It’s Sunday, I’m home feeling like soggy cold wet noodles. I’m not really good for much other than holding the chair down and cuddling with the dog. And the way she keeps shuffling around tells me I’m not doing so well at that. Sunday is the Lord’s Day. We traditionally go to church and then over to the grands for a family lunch. I am in the midst of a flare and some sort of spring cold that a freakish cold front blew in.
Writing when I’m sickly comes out so depressing. I just want to fuss and complain about all of my injustices. It’s hard to write positive when you don’t feel very positive. It’s hard to be joyful when you must have blew it out your nose when sneezing. Napping when sick is always a pretty safe alternative to complaining. Why must we complain when we don’t feel good?
I suppose it’s because we/I am angry that I have to be in the chair. That the world just keeps turning no matter what goes on. That’s when fighting the depression of the sickness is at its hardest I think. We feel guilt for not being somewhere we said we would be. We feel guilt for not being with our families. We feel guilt for being so darn helpless and immobile. Yet, that is the flip side to this disease that no one sees.
Being at home when you don’t wanna, missing the fun- when you don’t wanna.
All is not lost, I know. Those who know me love me and would do anything for me. I know that you do. Sometimes- we just wanna throw a fit. Here is my “word fit”. Can’t you imagine me stopping my foot and raising an eye brow? Good, I’m feeling better already.
I woke up this morning singing in my head – “Lay down your burden”…. I’ve been immersing my head in good soul feeding music. I googled the words just a minute ago to find the song… The lyrics popped up on the screen. Oh, the emotion.
I’ve heard this song many times- it’s never provoked such tears and raw emotion as this morning. It’s how I know the Lord is with me- and has not forgotten me. The words spoke to me today like no other time. How did the guy that wrote the song know how I feel? It’s a God thing, right- I knew that’s what you were gonna say.
We just needed a good chat. Thanks for reading with me this morning. This was an impromptu blog- We will return you to your regularly scheduled programing now.
I think I’ll enjoy that nap.
Super-duper Blessed I C Warrior,