My dearest love,
I pen this open letter to you for your benefit. You see, I didn’t do it all perfect or even all right. It comes as no surprise that I have made mistakes; you know this better than anyone. I can get short sighted and caught up in my own thunderstorm. I would have you learn from my mistakes so that you would be spared those stumbles and setbacks.
I feel like we began this Mommy-hood journey together neither of us knowing how to be- teaching each other as we went along. I remember thinking after coming home from hospital- “What were they thinking- letting me leave with someone so precious- I have no idea what I’m doing?”
Before I married your dad I knew that I wanted more in life. By more I don’t mean a fantastic career, big house, or fancy things. I wanted a different life for you. I wanted a clean and wholesome life free of drama. I walked away from alcoholism, drugs, emotional abuse, and a life of rebellion from God. I wanted to break those strong holds- those sins that would affect not just me but our third and fourth generations- my grands and yours. I wanted our life to be different to count for the kingdom.
I wanted you to know that you mattered in this life and that we loved you. I wanted you free from those burdens and pains that come with those sins. I didn’t want you to know what that life was about. The cost of that was separation from family and friends that deny God. I had to draw a line in the sand- for you.
On the Sunday after your birth we dedicated you to the Lord. We committed your life to Him and His service. We pledged that all that we did would be for the edification and glorification of God in your life. No Pressure, right. ♥
You were my biggest blessing and responsibility. I chose to homeschool you to save you from the temptations and pressures in the youth world. God dealt with me sternly- and while you may wish that choice had been different; I remind you that I as a parent answer to Him- the one who blessed me with you. We wanted you to grow up independent minded, confident, and innocent. I wanted you to be you and not ashamed or embarrassed. I didn’t want you to simply blend in with the crowd- but to stand out and lead the crowd to Jesus.
It doesn’t seem fair that I made those choices for you. A mother’s love is a most intense love fueled by the need to protect and safe guard. Because you are all grown up that natural need to swoop you up when you are so close to the teetering edge doesn’t go away. We are both still growing and learning. I must let you go- and let you find your way with God.
I don’t want you to run straight to those things that we worked so hard to protect you from. There is only pain, misery, heart ache, and emptiness there. Pray that God would keep you from temptation and protect you with his hedge of protection.
Don’t wait till I’m dead to make a change. Don’t put off living right until after you’ve had your fun sowing your wild oats. You might not be happy with the yield from that rebellious crop.
It is my desire that you walk through this world as mature Godly women serving the most high and yet living a full life. If I could convey to you that you are most precious in my sight and in God’s. Our hope is found in Jesus. He is who saves- renews- and cleanses us from all unrighteousness.
As you look for the future. I speak to the Lord on your behalf. I want a good Godly man for you. A man that loves God and will want to serve him in the capacity that God allows. I desire you to have a good home with love, peace, and unity. So that when grandkids bless the path there will be a stable foundation even more blessed than your childhood. I pray that God will use you right where you are planted to bloom and bless those around you.
By the grace of God- Look to the father- he will provide the way.
Take heart and memorize:
Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths. (Proverbs 3:5-6)
I love you more than these silly blogs convey. You are my life-both of you.